i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
