too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My balls are so social today.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
