the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
