I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
