i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No subtext here. People are naked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
