all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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