he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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