i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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