somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize