My hand turned me down
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
