he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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