Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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