The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
