You really coming over, don't trick.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
