My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
