dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
