weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
