How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
