i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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