So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
