I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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