it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
