I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
