Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
