I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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