Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
