No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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