sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize