after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
