That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
