She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
my liver is dry heaving
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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