so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
