the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
