after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
