wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
