Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
