coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
