Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
