I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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