Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
