new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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