Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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