Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
