I can tuck mytits in my pants
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
