Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
