He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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