I cockslap morals
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
