so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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