we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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