no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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