you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
