he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
