I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
