Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
